Sunday, July 17, 2011

Tex Eck Looks for Help

Some readers already know, others will not, about a month after Tex Eck became Tex Eck his Father died. There will likely be future posts touching on this but Tex Eck wants to keep it focused on Big D for now.

So, isolated from friends, in a new and strange environment and taking on a massive new job responsibility, Tex Eck took the advice of, well, everybody, and tried to find some counseling. Mind you, Tex Eck does not look for professional counseling. Tex Eck just grits his teeth and fries another rasher of bacon. But this is more serious than bacon.

Read that last line again.

Now, when one is in new territory on a new health plan one asks co workers "do you have a good dentist?' or "where should I look for a primary care provider?" Less prudent would be to ask "I am looking for a shrink and I thought I would ask you as you strike me as stark raving bonkers."

So Tex Eck goes for the the most geographic convenient choice. That would be the Minirth Clinic.

Tex Eck arrives at 8 am for an 8:30 appointment. And waits. And waits. During this time Tex Eck notes many shoddy oil paintings of cabins set in some woods, or, really, a marsh. Whatever. Its a clinical waiting room. After about an hour Tex Eck decides to move into the site line of the obese administrative staff. Still here!

It is at this point Tex Eck's gaze falls on to what would seem to be an innocuous flyer housed in a Lucite frame which reads as follows:

"The Minirth Christian Program at Big Creek of the Buffalo River: A Hearts of Love Ministry"

Not done.

"Imagine starting and ending your day with a favorite Bible verse as you continue your therapy with a..."

Those are not just wannabe soothing paintings of cabins. It is One cabin and they want to take Tex Eck there! CIGNA pays for this? What the F&*k?!

There is no time to run now.

You see, the way this works is before you get to see a real doctor, like Newhart, you need to go through a counselor who can get certification off of a Boo Berry cereal box. So Ms. Frosted Haired SMU degrees takes Tex Eck back to her office. The story is told. Tex Eck explains his unique background as an only child and raised as a Christian Scientist. This explanation includes the notion that Christan Scientists don't hold funeral ceremonies as part of their beliefs.

Response from the Professional re: Tex Eck having no brothers or sisters: "Ah, you are what we call a Lonely Only." And then "Well you understand you NEED to have a funeral to achieve closure and... well you just NEED a funeral".

Uh, by "we" do you mean trained therapists who passed rigours examines to avoid doing further psychological damage to venerable people? Or by "we" do mean judgmental fundamentalist bitches who ooze Dallitutude (see previous posts) and who should not be allowed to suck at the straw that is submerged in the milkshake of my health insurance plan?

Now it is on to Doc Minirth. He asks some general questions- why did Tex Eck move to Dallas and such. Then "Do both of your parents still live in Seattle?" Well, no they don't both LIVE in Seattle. Why the F&%k do you think I am here!? Tex Eck does not go to these places for kicks.

So, Tex Eck will do what Tex Eck does. Fall back on the friends and true brothers he has relied on over so many years.

More to come.

And who names anything Big Creek at Buffalo River. A creek in a river? A**holes.


  1. I don't know about the brothers, but friends and bacon are here for you, Tex Eck, even when slow in responding. Think of it as a bacon-with-a-bourbon-maple-syrup-glaze-slow response.

  2. I am reminded of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "I drank what?"

    Perhaps when you go to their camp as per the requirements of your new and compliant health insurance plan, you can see if their new "Bachman memorial ' pray the gay away' summer camp and indoctrination annex" is online and "5 by 5"

    J to the B